When There is Nothing to Hear

Soundtrack by Seabear.

You've seen (and I hope listened to) the soundtracks I've linked for nearly every post. It looks like that thing above, the blue underlined word Soundtrack.

Why must we always have something playing, speaking, thinking? Why do we feel wrong when there's not anything to hear?

My Sunday School teacher asked us this on an off-topic tangent and I didn't get to answer. Luckily, I have a blog. :P Here's my belief.

It's because we're afriad of non-existence.

Music is powerful. It brings out joy, suffering, and worship. We see this through the excellent music of Christian musicians, such as Alanna Story and Audrey Assad.

Expressing ourselves - words - thinking - it all proves we exist. By keeping our minds stocked with sounds, images, and talking, we feel like we won't be lost.

Imagine nothingness. Imagine silence. The majority of people, when asked to react to these states, reply that they would add something, anything, to comfort themselves.

We fear the end of our consciousness, our existence. When faced with infinity, we can't bear it. It makes us nausous. Because we know that we have no power in the void.

But our God lives in infinity.

And our intimacy with Him can begin there. Closing out all else, we find ourselves on a ledge over an extensive depth. We shudder. We fear.

In this moment, God can teach us to have peace by trusting in Him. We can know we are safe because we know He exists and His existence is not erasable in infinity like ours is.

When there is nothing to hear, He will come to speak. This is called meditation. Do not try so desperately to fill your head with noise, thinking it is the only proof you are safe.

Being still and knowing He is God is difficult. Usually, I end up chanting "quiet, quiet, quiet" in my head for five minutes, ineffectively. However, it is a crucial ability to obtain. Practice.

In secret, in the quiet place, in the stillness, You are there.

The Transformation of a Wallpaper Baby

Soundtrack.

Tuesday night a volunteer (with a pretty voice) from my university's Alumni office called to check up on my productive life. I felt embarrassed by instinct, as one who self-consciously calls herself a bum.

A bum in the fact that I'm 23 years old and have yet to rent a room of my own, drive on the interstate without a fire-breathing driving instructor, or have a desk with my name on it, or at least my own stack of Post-its.

However, this Pirate who Doesn't Do Anything has been busy lately.

I've published three articles on Examiner.com, one on Howcast. Six stories and my name are being printed or typed into six different creative publications, two of which are up to read. I'm excited about my free contributor's copy for Relief which hits the press in Febuary.

Plus! David and I polished off our song, "Surprise Paper Bag", last Sunday and he wants to preform it at Paramount!

I'm not bragging on myself. One fact of proof is that these are not monumental accomplishments and I have a long way to go. Secondly, because I know something about myself that you may not. I am so small.

I brag in God as a little girl who couldn't leave her house or mother a few years ago. As one who entertained thoughts of giving up. As one who probably will take antipsychotics for the rest of my life. As one who knows just how much I need help and strength from the Lord.

I'm a wallpaper baby, not able to join the game of musical chairs for the sticky glue on my back, unless my hand is gripped by an able and loving friend.

Yes, I'm small, but I'm growing! Growing, growing, I'm growing.

Angry Old Man in the Sky

How many of us view our merciful God like this?:

My David did; and along with him, most who are unsaved and some Christians. Why? And why has God been depicted this way for hundreds of years? (The above picture dates back to the Renaissance,  Michelangelo's time.)

"The God of the Old Testament" is often thought of this way. It is a voluminous stumbling block to nonbelievers and one that David had been struggling with the past two months. In the Old Testament God seems a spiteful fuming cloud thundering down on the people. However...

This is man's perception. Think back to the Israelites, or even further. Is this image not one that a sinful race would have? Is it not similar to the view of a scolded child?

For instance, David recently shared a story with me about him and his father.

They were preparing to cross the street. David was a child, rambuctious as any other boy, and he ran out into the road ahead of his father, right in front of a car. His father snatched the collar of his shirt and pulled him back just before the car roared past.

David was a little dazed and frightened. His father stearnly scolded him. As David told me this, it was clear that his father had left an impression he never forgot!

"You're the last thing I'd want to lose," his father said afterwards.

Now when David remembered this, he didn't say: "My dad saved my life!"

He remembered, "My dad yelled at me!"

Aren't we the same?

When God rebuked His children throughout history, they failed to see His urge not to lose them. Instead, they resented and feared God's discipline and very often forgot that He'd given them the rules ahead of time and always warned them before He enacted justice.

God may be angry at your sin, but He is not a vengeful perfectionist, waiting for you to slip up so He can burn you to a crisp.

He just wants to save you.

"The LORD is slow to anger and filled with unfailing love, forgiving every kind of sin and rebellion. But he does not excuse the guilty."

Numbers 14:18 (NLT)